How can women leaders increase their odds of being more successful after they’ve received negative feedback or suffered a work setback?
Answers to this question abound: Be more aggressive, capitalize on natural people skills, avoid organizations with glass ceilings.
There’s nothing wrong with any of these answers except that have limited applicability. Many women leaders struggle to succeed for internal rather than external reasons. I’m not a psychologist, but I have worked with hundreds of women leaders both as human resources vice president and as an outside coach, and most of the time, the problem is a dominant personality trait.
Understanding “Derailers”
For over twenty years, I have used a leadership assessment tool developed by well-known psychologist Robert Hogan that identifies and help manage what he refers to as “derailers”.
Hogan’s definition of derailers are personality traits that emerge under stress when we lose our ability to regulate behaviors because our brain goes into a protective mode. Unaddressed, these actions can sabotage relationships as well as careers.
The derailers include arrogance, aloofness, volatility, pleaser, overly cautious and others. Each derailer has a foundation in our strengths and therefore has a positive flip side – arrogance’s flip side, for example is self-confidence and pride – and these qualities can motivate leaders to deliver outstanding results. Under stress, however, this self-confidence can morph into arrogance.
When Strength Turns Into Sabotage
I was coaching one senior woman with this derailer who, when things were going wrong with a client, pulled the client team together and went into her “little general” mode; she was dictatorial, failed to listen and hampered the team’s effectiveness as a result. Her arrogance convinced her that she alone understood what the client really needed and she alienated the rest of the team by refusing to consider any opposing view.
As I worked with this woman, I learned that underlying her behavior was a fear of not being taken seriously; that’s why she overcompensated by being overly directive in a command-and-control manner.
Are Certain Derailers More Common for Women?
Although Hogan finds no practical gender differences in these derailers, my research and experience indicate that women are especially vulnerable to the arrogant, overly cautious, volatile and pleasing derailers.
For instance, in certain circumstances, women leaders feel they have to be tougher than men to succeed—they defensively adopt a tough, superior outer shell to protect themselves from criticism that they’re too soft or weak. In other circumstances, they may believe that they’ve been given less margin for error than their male counterparts. Consequently, they become overly cautious, fearing that if they make a single mistake, they will be castigated.
The Pleaser Derailer: A Case Study
In my book, Beauty Queen: Inside the Reign of Avon’s Andrea Jung, I wrote extensively on the impact of Andrea’s pleaser derailer – avoiding conflict or the tough calls and trying to appease others to maintain harmony.
Andrea was a brilliant and highly successful leader, but the combination of intense stress and difficult circumstances (the loss of her second-in-command) allowed her derailer to diminish her effectiveness. I have coached many women who possess this derailer and I’ve witnessed how it causes them to stay quiet and fail to speak up.
This derailer is related to risk taking, and it affects not only business decisions but taking personal risks such as voicing a minority opinion in a meeting or making a controversial comment. In these women’s minds, the self-protection mode can kick in and often unconsciously, they believe it is better to “play it safe” and not say anything versus having their opinions disparaged.
Context Matters More Than You Think
Be aware, too, that understanding the context is crucial when it comes to assessing the impact of derailers on women leaders.
For example, I coached Joan, a senior vice president with a large organization. Her derailer was mischievous – under stress she circumvented the rules or created her own rules to get results.
In Joan’s previous organization, this behavioral mischief resulted in her being labeled a true innovator who broke through outdated processes to turn around a tired brand. In Joan’s current role, she is being labeled as non-collaborative and a lone ranger. Her previous organization’s culture was more aligned with her values and personality and her current organization’s culture is known as more conservative and by the book. Recall that all derailers possess a flip side. In Joan’s case, the daring and provocative moves that helped her succeed in one organization are causing her to fail in another company. Context means a lot, especially for women leaders who tend to be labeled faster than their male counterparts.
I worked with another woman, Tanya, who was overly cautious and working in an organization with an overly cautious culture and business strategy – they were never the first to market but followed the market leader with decreasing success. As part of a corporate shake-up, more aggressive managers were brought in, and Tanya’s new manager gave her some pretty tough feedback about not only the need to speak up but to push the envelope with her plans and programs. Again, a changing context affected how Tanya’s overly cautious behavior was perceived. What helped Tanya succeed in one context caused her to struggle in another.
You Can’t Eliminate Derailers — But You Can Manage Them
Derailers are part of who we are, so you can’t get rid of your derailers. But you can learn to manage them.
The management process can be more difficult for women leaders than men, in part because bosses are sometimes more willing to give tough feedback to men because it’s assumed they can “take it”. In some companies, too, male leaders are more likely to receive coaching than female leaders. Therefore, you may need to learn how to manage your derailer yourself.
Here are some tips for doing so:
1. Know what the “buzz” is about you
what people say about you behind your back usually leads right back to your derailers. Ask your friends, partner and spouse what you do under stress? They always know and can often be your best coach. If you hear that you have too much pride, never ask for help and have trouble admitting you’ve made a mistake, then arrogance is your likely derailer.
2. Discover what pushes your buttons
I worked with one colleague who always got under my skin with his cynicism and bitterness, and I became a different and very untrusting individual when we tangled. Every time we argued, I became confrontational and angry—this was not my usual mode of operation. By identifying how you react when your buttons are pushed, you can receive additional clues about your derailing trait.
3. Understand your context
Be aware of how your derailer fits within your organization’s culture. Figure out the norms of acceptable and unacceptable behavior. Ask yourself whether this has changed with new leadership and how it’s affected you.
4. Take action and get tactical
Tanya, the overly cautious woman I coached, needed to speak up more, so she set a target of stating her opinion at least 5 times in every meeting she attended. After a while, speaking up became a habit.
A Final Thought
Finally, be aware that in many organizational settings, women are reluctant to admit to themselves or others that they have a flaw. We’ve been conditioned to believe that we have to be better, stronger, smarter than our male counterparts if we want to succeed. Thus, we can be reluctant to consider that we might have a derailing tendency.
But all of us have them, be we men or women, young or old, CEOs or neophytes. By being aware of what your derailer is and making an effort to counteract its effect especially when you’re under stress and it’s causing you problems, you can counteract its negative effect. Managing your derailer doesn’t guarantee women leaders success, but it certainly levels the playing field in more ways than one.
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